One small step

If I were an island, it’s possible that I would continue to coast, managing my stress by monitoring how much news I take in. Luckily, I’m not an island. Going on fourteen years ago I chose to create life and forever expanded my responsibility and obligation to one and then another child.

 

It is true that I could choose to not take that responsibility seriously. It is also true that for several years I’ve been struggling with personal demons. Personal demons are my why of summing up having children before I was in a position to give an optimum go at it. Doing okay is not good enough.

 

So here I am: a mother of two, a wife, an American, a woman. With blinders up, I’ve seemed to manage. It’s a lie. I’m terrified. Self medicating on my drug of choice – distraction – is killing me. I’ve consciously constricted my circle of influence to my daughters and my husband. The time has come to be courageous and pull my head out of the sand.

 

With countless false starts, I’ve feared embarking on another failure. Too many potential plans have mired me in indecision. This time, instead of waiting for my search for answers to come to a conclusion, I’m just going to take the first steps. Step one is easy. I need to learn to sleep so that my mind isn’t so fogged I can’t take the next step. With a firm commitment, I wish you goodnight.