Busted Monitoring Progress

Every now and then I have an odd thing happen around me involving electronics. Don’t think dirty, I’m talking about multiple electronic items crapping out on me around the same time. It’s usually a lot of little things and there are various, unrelated reasons for each thing happening. Dog chews through the cord to the vacuum. Five items in the house that take double A batteries all need the batteries replaced within a day or two. Filter on the fridge needs replacing. Half the lightbulbs in the house burn out.

The biggest deal item to go wonky this week is my 19 month old, 19 inch LG Flatron monitor. My secondary 15 inch monitor is now my only monitor. You go to bed with a monitor that works and you wake up with a monitor that does not. My husband tested it out with various computers and power cords with no luck. He tried contacting LG but was told he needed to call back between 7a and 7p Central Time.

Since those are prime hours for my husband to be working it’s up to me to contact LG and see if there is anything that they will do. The monitor was a Christmas gift from my husband for the ’06 holiday season. We have been big fans of LG products and have even eyeballed their microwaves and stoves.

Here are my issues: We don’t have a receipt and we did not purchase additional insurance or protection or whatever it’s called. If I call LG, I know they will either tell me they can help or they will tell me they can’t, no big deal. However, I get very anxious in these types of situations and I’ve been so far reluctant to actually make the call.

During a discussing about this phone call I have yet to make, my husband asked me, “Why exactly did you go to the Landmark Forum?” Saying something I anticipated him saying back when the Forum was in the future and not in the past.

Here’s a rambling look into my head during the long moment of silence following that question… He figured the Landmark Forum was worth the investment if there was the slightest chance his useless wife would be even marginally motivated to do anything toward contributing to the household. But deep down he suspected that she would not do what needs doing and he would wait until the opportunity came up for him to voice his skepticism and ease off some of the pressure of being constantly frustrated in silence by finally saying something with righteous and appropriate meanness. She’d not feel this awful if she were smoking right now.

After intentionally allowing myself to make the most extreme story up about what had just happened to illustrate the absurdness of having a “story” at all, I asked myself, “But what is?” I know I’ve not veered far from what I would be doing if I had not gone to the Landmark Forum. I know I got ill on the night I was supposed to go for my outside the box Thursday night seminar because I didn’t want to go or to deal. I know my story is that I’m not good making calls to strangers when I’m not firm in my own mind of what I’ll say and what will be said back.

Not wanting to make the moment stretch too long, I pointed out to my husband that even when someone has a spiritual awakening in life, they don’t expect God do anything for them. They know they need to do for themselves. Landmark can open new possibilities, but it’s not going to live my life powerfully for me. Funny part here though, I spaced out on exactly what I said because I was still feeling the physical heat and gut tightness of having hurt feelings and a guilty conscience.

For myself here are the things that make me want to put my head in the sand, in no particular order:
• Call LG about the monitor
• Contact pest control and set up an appointment
• Order a new drivers license since I’ve lost my other one, in my own house
• Find the marriage certificate that looks like a bad copy but really is the real deal so that I can go to the social security department and officially change my last name before my two year anniversary (This has to be done after I get another license. Then I’ll need to get another drivers license with the hyphenated name… gah.)
• Do what I say I’m going to do
• Contact Landmark Education to find out about when the next set of 10 seminars begins
• Contact my parents about a visit
• Clean out and or organize: the pantry, the garage, master bedroom, girl’s bedroom, guest bedroom, dining room, kitchen, backyard, front yard, living room, loft, office (um… I could have just said, House, but I already typed just about everything.)
• Go through the girls clothing before school starts to remove what doesn’t fit and get them situated with clothes, shoes and supplies for the first part of the school year. School starts August 4th.
• Take care of court stuff involving having children with ex-spouses – this requires research into the mysterious court system and at least one trip, possibly more to the courthouse and unfamiliar parking and procedures and strangers and the unknown and so many possibilities to mess up. Don’t forget redundant paperwork that may or may not be the correct paperwork (shudder).
• Take steps toward income – various possibilities there
• Doctors appointment for myself to discuss birth control (I’m not on it), migraines (I get them) and possible skin cancer (shrug)
• Dentist appointment for everyone in the family, check up for girls, important stuff for husband. I need oral surgery, had it scheduled last year and got sick. Yep, sick. I’m usually in mild to not so mild pain in the mouth, jaw and head region.
• Get on a normal sleep schedule
• Research if I want to go to a physical therapist for my back that has been out for about a month now
• Live on some sort of consistent schedule (especially sleep)

This short list of avoidants is only a start. I get that these are not insurmountable obstacles. That other people deal with more and worse without issues has contributed to my anxiety and my story of inadequacy. Knowing it’s my story is one thing. Practicing that the story is meaningless and has no power over me takes determination and letting go of fear. I am the queen of lists, but I’ve never written something like this. I am creating the possibility of being accountable.