Night Before Landmark Education Forum

The Santa Rosa Plateau in Riverside, California is a place I used to drive to back when I sported a provisional driver’s license. Getting lost following my favorite morning dew covered trail, I’d tilt my head back with my eyes closed and absorb. Sixteen year old me wasn’t aware of it but I know this was a way of replacing the chaos inside me with the calm. Double my life and five hundred miles away, I’m questing to find my way back there.

Tonight is momentous as the night before my Landmark Education Forum. I’m anticipating a great experience and yet the coward in me is twitching with anxiety. Commemorating the occasion and initiating my idea to chronicle my directed transformation is made difficult by a bad case of nerves.

Put plainly, I’m scared. Since it’s irrational fear I don’t know how to debate it into submission. For now, I’ll label it as fear of new places, crowds, strangers, unfamiliar parking, strong feelings and failure. Now that that’s out of the way, I can move onto the meat.

• What is Landmark Education? I’m going to hold off on answering that question until I can answer it better.
• Why are you going to this ‘Forum’? I’m unsatisfied with the way I’m living my life. Tired of “not living up to my full potential.” I’ve tried for years to improve. I’m weary of inching forward, hitting setbacks and stretches of apathy. My hope is that I’ll learn something about the self-defeating ways I’ve been thinking and doing. I want to recognize the lies and the myths that I’ve been taught. I want to learn what a healthy assertive person is like and try to become one. I want to do this for me. I want to do this for my daughters, both to inspire them and as a preventative to becoming a cautionary tale. Everyday of semi-living is a gift thrown away.
• Do you think three days and a night at some seminar will cure you or make you a better person? Nope. I can’t say what it will do and what it won’t do before I experience it for myself. However, what I do expect is that the proven methods and ideals behind Landmark Education’s Forum will profoundly affect me and the way that I view things. I think that it’s up to me to do something with whatever I experience over these next few days. I’m also under the impression that the support of the individuals involved with Landmark Education and the people I meet who are- like me- participating this weekend, extends behind this ‘seminar.’ I’ll be as involved as I want to be.
• Aren’t you worried you’ll become someone you’re not? I’m already someone I’m not. I’m taking steps to clear away the clutter I’ve lost myself in. I do not believe anyone can change you, but you. On my own, I have made some progress in the right direction. This is just another step. Or maybe a guided leap would be a more apt description.
• Are you still scared? I might be again in the morning, but I’m sure I won’t have enough time to stew in it. But no. Right now, I don’t feel fear. I feel excited and motivated. Open for a new experience. Maybe a little sleepy too.

The current time is 11:59 p.m. I hope to be in bed by 12:05 a.m. I’m setting my alarm for 4:30 a.m. The plan is to arrive at the Landmark Education location by 8:20 a.m. The Forum itself begins at 9 a.m. and can run to around 11 p.m. I hope to be able to write a little something each day. With a 30 mile drive home, being able to post may be overoptimistic.